Is that not the sweetest thing you've ever seen in your entire life?! When I saw it, I actually cried. I can't help myself!
I want that. I want that kind of love and that relationship. I think that it is an absolute privilege to be entitled to such an honour. Obviously no one truly understands the intricacies and realities of their actual relationship (something which is true of all relationships) but I think it's pretty darn hard to both hide that kind of emotion or to present a false front so convincingly.
I quite recently stumbled across some wedding photos that shocked me a little bit. It wasn't an unexpected wedding (I knew they were engaged), it just struck an emotional chord (one of my many) and I wasn't quite prepared for it. To be honest, I felt upset and shocked and confused. It puzzled me though, as to why I was so upset. I realised that as children, we grow up thinking we know someone. That we understand that person. That person becomes ours and that's how we begin to define ourselves.
Who we are becomes relational to who we identify as important to us. This shifts only slightly as we age, as we begin to value certain relationships over others and step into different roles. So when this person suddenly began to live a different life, that connection broke and it really can't ever be the same.
Now I'm far too old to get in a tizzy over divorce. It happens. But I think it's harder when that person stops identifying you as a defining factor. I have always grouped people together in my mind. For me, it was an Aunt and Uncle. That became an Aunt... and an Uncle. That apparently just became an Aunt.
I'm happy he has found someone to spend the rest of his life with. He seems happy. But he remarried. I personally struggle with this idea. I think my understanding of marriage is very different from the way other people understand marriage. To me, the concept of marriage is lifelong. That's just how I understand it. If you are going to make such a commitment, it doesn't make any sense why you would do anything to damage or destroy or hurt that relationship. It's so big and serious.
You are committing to spend the rest of your life with someone, regardless of how bad things get. You are connecting yourself to another human being and saying 'You complete me. You're enough. You can always feel secure with me, knowing that I think the world of you.'
I just don't understand why anyone would ever want to ruin that or take that away. I value marriage very deeply and at one stage, I was very afraid of marriage. I was afraid of the possibility that things could go horribly wrong. Living your life in fear to that extent is not feasible. And for me, I think it was unwarranted. I am me. I am a very different person from you and you and you. It took me awhile to realise that the problems and examples and situations I witnessed around me were not necessarily destined for me.
Our relational identity is one that makes me very happy. I would love to someday be considered someone's wife and I would very much love to have a husband. I think marriage is a wonderful and beautiful notion and I know that I can't wait to be married. It would mean the absolute world to me. I take it so seriously and value it so deeply.
I used to err on the side of caution because it seemed easier to remove myself from a potentially sad situation, rather than create a happy situation in my future. It was easier to say that I'll never be married, because who wants to put themselves in a kind of situation where someone can hurt you in the worst way possible?
Well, I do actually. Because a marriage is created and constructed and maintained by the people involved. It's not predetermined and bad things don't just happen. I think when you have two people that really love each other and really believe in what they are doing together, marriage is just the bomb.
Lizzy and ol' Phil, happy Jubilee and I wish you both the best! X
